It’s strange to feel homesick when you’re already “home”.
Usually, people get homesick when they are far from it, like I was for a month. I was expecting a nice holiday, spending time with my love and having fun in another country. But instead…
During my time in Japan I sometimes had dreams of this place called Nederland. A place I used to call my home. But I never felt the urge to look back, go back, I didn’t miss it at all. For the first time in my life I really felt at home. I’ve been back in Holland for a month now, but now I’m truly homesick. Now I truly know what it is to miss a place you feel comfortable. A place with friends and family. A home.
Everyday I wake up feeling disorientated, where am I? What am I doing here? Why did I come here? Why did I go back? I’ll never understand why…
A month has passed. A month that went so quickly even though I feel like I’m imprisoned, waiting to be released and return home. Home to お母さん, お父さん and friends. マキちゃん, I don’t know what I’m doing here. Sometimes you were scared that I would feel like a lost child in Japan. But.. I feel like a lost child here. Here in the Netherlands.
“I know you have to go back to the Netherlands soon.”
“I thought this time was forever.”
“Will you come soon, won’t you?”
I know I have to graduate. I know I need to work. All of my three jobs, teachers, family and friends. They were all waiting for me. But… Why did I go back?
To be continued.